Written by rfreed
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Saturday, 5 July 2014

The head of the U.S. Border Patrol, James Bratcatcher, highly stressed from dealing with the sudden influx of children and young mothers with children from Latin America, has claimed that a solution to the international problem came to him in a dream.

"The spirit of Nancy Reagan came to me in my sleep and suggested to me that I 'Just say 'No!' when children approach us at the border asking for asylum, the same thing she once famously said to tell drug pushers who were trying to influence young people to start using drugs. What a brilliant idea! So we did it. My Border Agents simply said 'No!' and shut the door in their face. This made the situation Mexico's problem. They then had to deal with the swarms of youth ascending on our southern borders that they had done nothing to thwart. Now Mexico knows what it is like to deal with a stream of illegal immigrants invading their country."

Of course, protests have developed criticizing this policy. The Border Patrol has responded to this by placing the border crossers in the homes of those protesting. Within about a week generally these people have returned their wards to the border demanding that they be returned to their rightful places geographically and generally with a change in attitude about allowing everyone into the country.

States Mr. Bratcatcher further "This new 'Just Say No' policy certainly worked better than when it was first initiated in the 70's. Then kids just laughed it off and smoked up. Here it seems to have nipped the problem in the bud. Such a simple solution- just say 'No!'!"

The US government, seeing the big success it has had at our southern borders, implemented the 'Just Say No' policy in its dealings with Chinese nationals buying up land and businesses in the U.S. Unfortunately this has had about as much success as Nancy Reagan had.

In a side note to this situation Immigration officials tricked Texas Governor Rick Perry into crossing the Mexican border to help stem the address personally the throngs of youth attempting to enter, then closed the checkpoint on him thus freeing Texas from another threat to its democracy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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