Written by joseph k winter
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Monday, 16 June 2014

image for Tony "You know, George, whatever you decide to do, I'm with you" Blair confesses childhood snorting trauma led to prophetical powers
The parsnip was also tried but found wanting.

Just today Mr. Blair's office has released further background on his current essay "We didn't cause the crisis," and the 03 decision to attack Iraq as partner with George W. Bush.

Apparently during childhood Mr. Blair had a formative experience which led on to "remarkable understandings and predilections," during his political life.

The narrative continues that a boy's comic book featured its hero snorting something that the juvenile Mr. Blair believed to be an old beetroot, which he found in his parents' back garden.

The young Blair's subsequent experience--he says now he hadn't known how much of the beetroot to snort at the time--led on to a week's illness, then to a lifelong ability to predict the future.

From that point he would take to a dark family closet to consult his ability and get a fix on coming developments.

We now know it is on this secret adolescent experience which Mr. Blair's confidence still rests, and has rested, as with his decision to join Mr. Bush in the attack on Iraq in 2003, after "the facts were fixed around the policy."

According to Mr. Blair's essay, disintegration of Iraq was certainly coming anyway, even though Saddam Hussein had kept the region under control for 24 years.

Mr. Blair foresaw that Saddam would have used chemical weapons at some point, even if he didn't have them at that time. Moreover, an Arab Spring was on its way.

It was this prophetical beetroot-driven vision fueling Mr. Blair's view that convinced him the allied invasion and destruction of Iraq 2003 was definitely needed.

But that invasion is not responsible for the current situation and was in fact designed to prevent it.

Key to success would be the Maliki democracy, specially organized by Mr. Bush and Mr. Blair to save Iraq and the entire middle east.

But this plan to save Iraq was interrupted when Mr. Obama withdrew troops. And Mr. Maliki's government, which Mr. Blair praised a year ago, has perhaps caused a few problems.

According to an office spokesperson, Mr. Blair's viewpoint derives from his inner vision, consulted recently in the darkness of a handy closet at his home.

*because the conflict is ancient and complex, over-simplified or quick fix solutions must be avoided in the spirit of the exhaustive research that led to the 03 invasion of Iraq;

*al-Qaeda and ISIS types must be struck, hard, repeatedly, if they insist on straying toward Iraq;

*in Iraq these extremists must be hit hard with every missile and drone known to mankind to restore victory, as was the case in 09 when Obama took office;

*educational institutes must be established throughout the middle east to groom a new vision of proper religion and democratic government;

*previous leaders of attempts to establish peace and democracy in Iraq should be properly honored.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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