Written by Jack Allen
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Tuesday, 10 June 2014

image for Brazilian Masterchef Garners Low Ratings

Ratings barely made it past 1.0 yesterday evening during BBC One's opening episode of Masterchef Brazil, which was routinely panned by both critics and viewers.

The first task set for the six contestants was to create a starter and main course for which they were given 5 hours and 22 Brazil Real for ingredients. However, as 22 Reals equates to approximately £5.90, most contestants left the newly constructed studio, which claimed 17 lives during its construction, to raise more money before purchasing their ingredients. All participants were able to use their "Brazilian charm" on the streets to increase their individual budget, with some carrying out several programmes within the first of their five hours.

After the contestants received ample assistance from the Police to accrue extra money for the task, no footage of the impromptu fundraising was included within the final edit, contestants were then shown creating and finally presenting their "mediocre", "embarrassing" and "poor" food to former sporting professionals.

"I am very sorry but not even I will touch this (food) and I'm starving!" Ronaldo

"Why are my fellow Brazilians creating such culinary catastrophes? I cannot fathom why this has happened. Why did not they not pull some caviar and langoustine from their cupboards?" Zico

With each contestant receiving largely critical feedback in Masterchef's standard dull fashion, it was to no one's surprise that the judges asked 3 of the 6 contestants to leave the 8 part series. But to less of a surprise to those who viewed the programme as the episode has now been temporarily pulled by the BBC due to the animosity surrounding the series. This could be largely due to the show receiving the most complaints a BBC programme has ever drawn, for which OFCOM are now investigating matters further as well as waiting for a response from the BBC and Masterchef.

Furthermore, the episode in question has been temporarily removed from BBC iplayer until "all complaints have been dealt with in a satisfactory manner". A spokesman for the BBC stated in an interview today, "We cannot see a positive future for Masterchef Brazil, even though it fits well within our ethical and moral codes of practice. We've always said that if it's good enough for FIFA, it's good enough for us. However, because of the impending disappointing news from OFCOM we have decided to utilise our finances in a more effective manner our viewers will appreciate, As of tomorrow the BBC will begin filming a new comedy series starring Jack Whitehall, entitled "The Heavily Scripted One-Dimensional Man".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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