A new reality TV game show hosted by David Cameron will debut next week, based around the austerity measures put in place by the Tory government.
A staggering 3.6 million contestants will go through various Tory Tucker Trials, such as not crying when telling their kids there's no money for new school uniform, watch long-standing volunteers suffer mental breakdowns without sympathising and reading aloud the opportunities that have been taken away by the government since 2010 without showing a flicker of emotion. The winner will be the contestant who can keep their upper lip the stiffest and not succumb to the measures put in place by the powers that be. The prize for the winner is a 2-bedroom house in Dublin with a Bosch washing machine already installed.
Interestingly, the reality TV show will not create its profit through phone-ins, but will solely rely on the generous donations of the richest citizens of Britain. E-mails, texts and voice-mails have been left with the mega-rich of Britain but at this moment in time no one has contributed financially to the programme.
A banker, who wishes to remain anonymous for obvious reasons, said: "I watched the pilot episode last night and I still cannot believe that someone has had the imagination to create such an elaborate, almost unbelievable, game show with such depth and raw emotion running through it. Some of them must be actors with the pain and anguish they show and go through! No one should go through what this programme does to people! As for putting some money into it, I can't help out this year but I'll definitely help out next year. I've got 3 mortgages and a holiday to sort out at the moment so I've got to tighten the old belt!"