Written by joseph k winter
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Thursday, 22 May 2014

image for US State Department thinking bon bon and eclairs victory celebration for May 25 election in Ukraine
Chocolate celebration upcoming with Ukraine elections

With "chocolate king" Petro Poroshenko likely to become Ukraine's President in the May 25 elections, politicians in Kiev and the US are reconsidering the old adage "You can't have your cake and eat it too."

Eclairs, bon bons, and chocolate cake from the factories of the new President are being prepared for a festive victory celebration following.

Assistant Secretary of State Victoria Nuland is reported looking forward to handing out these chocolate delicacies as a follow-up to her giving cookies to protesters back in February.

A representative in Ms. Nuland's office offered a smiling comment: "We are going to have our chocolate and eat it too just as we planned to way back in February. You remember? That was the time we got rid of Yanukovich!"

This statement was instantly clarified out of Mr. Kerry's office with a cough and reddening cheek.

"Let us not misspeak here," he said.

This spokesperson insisted it was entirely the will of the Ukrainian people that had displaced the elected president.

That a right wing SS-like nationalist force had come to the fore in Ukraine was a welcome development against the brutal moves in Crimea and along the border by that thug Vladimir Putin.

The presence of private mercenaries from Blackwater in the region was likewise to establish law and order.

It was terrorists in Odessa who had been protesting developments in Kiev who were then driven into a building which was set on fire, killing at least forty. These terrorists were mostly elderly people holding signs.

Meanwhile, many districts of eastern Ukraine will not vote May 25 because polling places have been shut down and dismantled by protesters against Kiev.

How many ordinary people in the east agree with this action--versus separatist militia types--is not known.

At this time election of the chocolate king president and a supportive parliament is likely in accord with rebuilding Ukraine along the lines of US and EU interests.

They will be assisted by loans from the IMF. This process will require some austerity measures as with pensions slashed and unemployment, but local oligarchs will not be affected.

Martial forces will continue to be bolstered to subdue unruly elements and assure that democracy has prevailed.

That the Russians have withdrawn from the border while muttering about the need for round table discussions has added some zest to the upcoming victory festivities.

Mr. Poroshenko's chocolate factory is busy producing a special brand of particularly sweet white chocolate, meant to symbolize goodness and purity.

It will be offered as a celebratory gift to Mr. Putin--as long as Russia does not attempt to interfere with the Ukraine people's wishes on Sunday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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