New York - The UN advisory panel on eco destruction has taken depositions from leading politicians following revelations by UK Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg of wanton cactus vandalism.
Clegg recently admitted to a 'mad Carlos Castenada moment' of sneaking into a German High Court judge's conservatory and setting fire to her Mexican Peyote cultivar display before stuffing the remains in a Chillum and smoking it.
First up at the UN's New York HQ today was Ecuador's President Rafael Correa, now notorious for a December 2013 blowtorch attack on Lago Agrio judge Nicolas Zambrano's window box of specimen Mammillaria longimamma that rocked the country's fragile judiciary.
Second to depose was former US President George W Bush whose 2005 appointment of US Supreme Court Chief Justice John G 'Oral' Roberts followed years of wilful stalking of the judge's rather splendid Opuntia ficus-indica - or Indian fig cactus - hybrids.
Next to speak was former US Vice President Al Gore, notorious for wilful over-feeding of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg's stunning Coryphantha beehive cactus entrusted to his botanical care during the long judicial summer recess of '69.
Fourth on the fessing-up podium was Russian Prime Monster Dim-Eatery Medvedev, guilty of multiple attacks on the same collection of prickly succulents belonging to a German judge that were premeditatedly targeted by fellow Commie apparatchick Nick Clegg.
Fifth up was supposed to be former Bush Veep Dickless Cheney who pleaded hors de combat to testifying amid hospitalization for injuries sustained in a daring raid on former US Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales' Aaron's Beard Prickly Pears, Opuntia leucotricha.
Next week's continuing depositions are expected to include testimony from North Korea's Kim Jong-Un and Bill Gates who, although not a politician, nevertheless has considerable recorded 'previous' in alleged abuse of the hairy plants.