Written by Joaquin Closet
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Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Early this morning, while on his daily morning run, Mayor Tom Ford outed himself as "the late" Andy Kaufman, who has been presumably dead for 30 years. Ford was running down by the Lake Ontario shore front when, all of a sudden, he started reciting Kaufman's character "Latka" from old Taxi scripts.

Before paramedics and police caught up with him - his time in the mile has decreased to 45 minutes - residents in the area reported that he had switched to Elvis Presley and had sung nearly the entire songbook of the King.

This was bound to happen, as the 30th anniversary of Kaufman's presumed "death" from cancer approaches. In fact, sightings of Kaufman have been reported in New Mexico, Cuba and, of course, Sparks, Nevada - Kaufman's "home away from home away from home."

Not much else is known at this time; Toronto City Hall has informed the press pool that updates will be available after Ford wakes up from sedation in the Psychiatric Ward at Toronto General Hospital. However, it is known that milk and cookies will be available to well-wishers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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