Written by K.C. Bell
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Saturday, 10 May 2014

image for Putin's Conscious-Uncoupling From The Rest Of Russia
"I really need an espresso."

Things are getting pretty tight for Vladimir Putin. No longer wrestling bears bare-chested, the Russian leader is wrestling his old cronies who can no longer use their Visa cards to fuel their private jets and take off for a winter in Belize or where ever Viggo Mortensen wanted to fly off to with Gwyneth Paltrow in the Grace Kelly re-make of Dial M For Murder.

The film was titled The Perfect Murder, which fell short of perfection and dealt with a nasty form of conscious-uncoupling. However, Ms Paltrow's wardrobe was fantastic.

It is no longer fantastic to be an oligarch or a friend of Mr. Putin. Oligarchs were uncoupled from their bank accounts and credit cards by President Barack Obama because of Putin's invasion of the Crimea. Described as a sanction, it is turning into an enormous caffeine type withdrawal headache for Putin's rich friends.

Worth billions, (due to the energy boom and their close ties with Putin) oligarchs now require cash to buy a single cup of espresso: triple shot, no cream. Their limousines need a suitcase filled with rubles to buy petrol, and jet fuel for private planes? No sporting winter suntans in Russia this year!

Putin explained, "When you press down on a spring, it is bound to pop."

Meaning: It was all Obama's fault that Putin invaded and took over Crimea with his eye now fixed on eastern Ukraine because Putin didn't want the sovereign nation of Ukraine to accept a loan from the European Union, and he offered a loan instead, but Ukraine said no as the Ukrainian government preferred doing business with the west and the European Union.

So why is Putin's decision to invade the Ukraine an example of a: Pressed down spring that is bound to pop?

Well, the oligarchs aren't certain about Putin's explanation either. Oligarchs want access to their Visa cards, bank accounts and high-end lifestyles. They want their suntans, spending winters in Mystique and are thinking: Maybe it is time to have a conscious-uncoupling from Putin?

Is a conscious-uncoupling the same as a coup?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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