Written by mrgilworth
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Tuesday, 6 May 2014

The streets of the Vatican were bustling as White Smoke alerted all the citizens. White Smoke being the official app of the Pope. The sound of Marimba echoing through the streets. "Oh Our God! Is the Pope #RIP?" tweeted @vatikitty12. Sighs of relief filled the air as they read the update. "My People. Gather in the theater. I have an announcement."

As the citizens arrived in the theater they noticed the Pope standing center stage wearing a headset mic and standing in front of a projection screen with black curtains around it. The Pope standing with confidence and hands cupped near his waist began his seminar. "The word of the Lord is sacred, the word of the Lord is true, but the word of the Lord isn't trending right now" the Pope stated as he clicked a small clicker in his left hand. Then images began to flash on the screen. Mindy Kaling, Lena Dunham, Josh Groban. "These. These are whose words trend" said the Pope. "Why? Is it impact? Yes. Is it detail? Maybe. Is it quality? Not always. It's brevity and the ability to be retweeted." The Pope clicked to the next image. A plain black screen with the image #blessed in white letters. "If Kristine Bell's choice of a coffee mug to drink out of can reach the screens of millions of people, then our message of morals and the Lord can too."

The Pope then explained his plan to shorten the Bible to a mere 140 characters. "The way of the Lord is to reach the masses and mass emails aren't cutting it anymore. We want people to CC: but they would rather BCC: on our emails." The Pope plans to drop the "new word" sometime next year. Follow the hash tag #blessed for more updates.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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