Apparently there's hardly anybody left in crap places like Middlesbrough.
We asked the Treasury department: 'Has this anything to do with the recent decision that Uruguay will provide several tonnes of dirt -cheap, legalised weed, allocating 1.5 ounces a month to every citizen, without nicking any of them'?
"Can't talk now: listening to the Stone Roses" said the President.
"Change is good" asserted the Interior Minister, from a chaise-longe in the corner.
"Last week I was concerned over the neglect of historic buildings in the old town; this week I am obsessed with inventing a forkula - a cross between a fork and a spatula to retrieve that last bit of mayo from the jar".
Apparently the advantages of a society stoned out their nut are numerous:
"If everybody goes on strike like the French - who's going to notice"?
Pizza Start-ups see 500% Increase
Infrastructure is also set to feel the wind of change. The World Trade Centre in Montevideo has been replaced by just the video - a million people sat on their sofa still can't agree what the white unicorn means in Blade Runner.
Several citizens in more affluent areas expressed concern that their landscape would be filled with large 'D's for Dominos, stretching across the horizon. Supporters say this will be off-set by the cosy glow of halogen bulbs.
The Minister for Health said "It's the inner space I'm worried about". Anybody wishing to discuss this can email him in a concrete box, about six foot under, as of last week's Treasury meeting.
Whatever the outcome, it's a sunny day, the Spoof News Team have chocolate and we're all incredibly happy with that.