Vatican Shitty, Rome - Half a dozen toots up each nostril and the Deserter Pope Joseph Ratzinger made it to today's canonisation double act a newly envigorated man.
The 87 year-old former Nazi appeared in full Pontifical bling after a year's absence in exile following his 2013 enforced abdication on mental capacity grounds (he's nuts!).
A couple of incognito personal nurses hovered by the old rascal's side. constantly monitoring Ratzi's attempts to top up his nose powders from a specially designed pontifical cocaine ring.
"God willing he won't make a Nazi Sieg Heil! salute," one of the papal body guards whispered, "when walking past the portrait of his old SS chum Pope JP2."
The minders appeared to be under strict instructions to watch the daft old codger for signs of eccentric behavior judging by some poorly concealed electronic stun guns in their coat pockets, precautionary measures - maybe - should Papa Ratzi suddenly burst into song.
His last known rendition of Deutscheland, Deutschleand Uber Alles nearly frightened the shit out of the Dalai Llama.
Pope Frankie the Argie is a New York Mets fan.