Written by Jack Allen
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Thursday, 8 May 2014

image for World To Go On Hunger Strike Over Breivik's Living Conditions
I FUCKING PRESSED IT 5 TIMES!!!!!

62% of the world's population has signed an e-petition stating they will go on hunger strike until mass murderer Anders Breivik is put under specific living conditions.

The e-petition states that Breivik must share a cell with a Nigerian rapist, a Somalian sadist and a Polish weightlifter. The general public has also called for Anders to have a respectable hair cut that doesn't put footballer Gervinho's forehead to shame, and that he can only have access to a Playstation 1, a scratched copy of NBA Live '97, and a controller with a dodgy X button.

Large companies such as Coca Cola and Nestle are backing the e-petition as they don't want their profits to drop during a potential fast, but insiders believe the companies are just attempting to make up for previous misdemeanours in world events.

Breivik has stated that he cannot continue living the way he is, which sounds suitable to the majority of the population, but this situation has provided a conundrum for world leaders.

With the world becoming as grossly overpopulated and unhygienic as Paris Hilton's vagina, a mass suicide could provide the world with a much needed rest bite.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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