Written by Catchthisdrift
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Monday, 14 April 2014

image for Blindness Could Lead To Not Being Able To See Things
Police artists rendition of a long pointy stick

Although yet to be confirmed by independent scientific corroboration, a research group from Chadswhipple Crosshire Down By The Lake Rockshire University, outside London, has asserted that blindness could have a definite connection to someone not being able to see things.

In addition to not being able to see things, blindness appears to be linked to bruised shins, using pepper instead of salt, and hitting people with a long stick.

Over the years, police have received reports from seemingly random people of being approached by another person, and that person repeatedly striking them about the feet and legs with a long pointy stick. Most recent victim Gloria Pernell Wadsworth-Pennington said that she was standing quietly on a street corner waiting for the bus when a person approached her and started whacking her with a stick. "It really hurt," said Wadsworth-Pennington. "The person kept saying "Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm blind", but that isn't any sort of excuse now, is it?"

Although having received many reports spread over a long period of time, police are hesitant to conclude the public may be at the mercy of a serial pointy stick whackerer. A Metropolitan Police Service internal email leaked to the public last week contained the sentence "Has anyone bothered to consider that all these stick whackings may actually just be blind people trying to find the corner so they don't get run over?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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