High winds and strong seas are hampering the search for Scotland, which disappeared two weeks ago. Only when Alex Salmond Rushdie, the first minister tried to return home after a garden party at Buckingham Palace did the government notice it was not there any more.
Mr. Salmon is staying at Newcastle while the massive search goes on. Scotland, a very small hilly place between England and the North Pole, is thought to have broken free of its moorings unnoticed in high winds two weeks ago. Recently the subject of a decision by the E.U. to impose fines for incorrect labelling of Scotch Eggs as foodstuffs instead of building material, the tiny Island has been courting controversy over Hopscotch, Scotch Tape and Butterscotch labelling.
Rumanian claims over the control and origins of these staple Scottish items including Scotch Whiskey have led to a state of near war between Rumania and Scotland. Sightings of Russian Warships towing Scotland away and satellite photographs showing a land mass moving towards the Crimean border are being investigated by David Cameron's do nothing about it department.