President Barack Obama cranked up the pressure on Vladimir Putin during a 45 minute phone call from the Oval Office in the early hours on Tuesday morning, warning the the muscle bound Russian "if you don't stop it I'll tell my mom."
John Kerry believes the move could prove pivotal in bringing an end to what he described as 'sanction badminton'. Kerry was speaking to United States Military personnel based in Iceland, recognized by The International Business Times as The Most Peaceful Country In The World. Through 2014 the U.S has increased it's military presence in Iceland after satellite surveillance captured evidence of 'a clear (suspected) threat to the safety of all peace loving Americans.' Kerry says imagery shows a man in a small boat holding either a rifle or a fishing rod.
On Christmas Day Vice President Joe Biden cut the turkey because he is a good guy and presented his family with flight tickets for a summer vacation in Moscow. He became upset when United Airlines refused a refund.
Obama told Radio69 "The Oval Room is called the Oval Room for a reason but when you have a 109 year old man rolling around the carpet in circles hitting every non existent corner it is time to stand up and be a leader. Vice President Biden had his heart set on spending a week in Moscow, making one trip to the zoo, ordering room service and skipping the bill like any decent American citizen. Vice President Biden is a nice, normal genuine American and to see him brought to this nearly brought me to tears. Like all American's I later realized it was my allergies."
Obama said of Putin "It's easy to be the tough guy on the end of the telephone, but when I mentioned my mom he hung up. Folks, we got him."
Russian Defense Minister Sergei Shoigu insisted Putin was not scared of Obama's mom and that after he hung up he ran around the room tickling everyone's ankles.