Written by Abel Rodriguez

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Monday, 24 March 2014

image for Russia Captures A Ukrainian Submarine, 3 Canoes, and 5 Bicycles
A photo of the Ukrainian sub that the Russian Navy captured.

MOSCOW - Russia's national news agency, Vodkavich, reports that the Russian military has just announced some military news regarding the Ukraine.

Reports are that the Russian Navy has just captured a Ukrainian submarine and 3 canoes and the Russian Army has captured 5 bicycles.

The submarine surrendered without a fight. Reports are that one of the occupants of one of the canoes did fire off a .22 pistol but it hit the water.

The 5 bicyclists all surrendered without a fight. One did try to out run a Russian sharpshooter but he had the handlebars of his bike shot out and of course he ended up crashing his bicycle.

A spokesperson for the Ukrainian government is insisting that the submarine was only captured because the periscope got stuck in the "Up" position.

All of the Ukrainian prisoners were taken into custody and they will be transported to Moscow where they will stand trial and them most likely be sentenced to serve prison terms in Siberia.

Meanwhile, back in the United States, Ukrainian actress Mila Kunis has issued a statement condemning Russia's actions. She has also sent President Putin a letter stating that he needs to pick on someone his own size like China or the United States.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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