Space, the Final Affrontiere - Up to half a dozen Russian space men will be getting the boot this weekend amid Starfleet suspicions their Klingon credentials are a pile of Romulan crap.
An executive order signed by United Federation of Planets commander Barrack Obama sees all Starfleet phasers set on stun until the USS Crazy Whorse arrives with a suitably armed escort party.
And dispatches the renegades to the Alpha Quadrant outer limits where their chums the Kardashians - uh, Cardassians! - have a detox outpost.
This morning's announcement is the latest twist in a tit-for-tat spat over precious Federation territories in the Delta Quadrant where Romulan intransigence has fucked up important treaties about mining of dilithium crystals and other galactic stuff.
It follows the publication of outcasts' IDs on the official Starfleet Intelligence website which names the persona non-grata as Oleg Kalashnikov, 69, Yuri Gagarin-Rodham-Clinton, Condoleezza Arafat (no relation!), Vladimir Sauerkraut, Mikhail Pissof and Igor Princezmargaritsspottybutt.
Commenting on the latest development a source close to Q The Omnipotent Being said 'the Romulans have had it coming to them a very long time'.
As has their dominatrix mistress, the Borg Queen.