Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 21 March 2014

image for Ukraine's precious Vladimir Madonna icon weeping teardrops of Black Sea Crude
Oozing tears of Black Sea Crude

Crimea - Russia's seizure of Crimean territorial waters' oil and gas deposits may be behind the sudden appearance of heavy crude tears spouting from the sacred portrait according to reports from Kiev today.

The famous 12th century religious painting was given by the Greek Patriarch of Constantinople to Grand Duke Yury Dolgoruky of Kiev circa 1133 who eventually bequeathed it to an acetic - uh, ascetic! - monastery in the Ukrainian City of Vladimir, Volhynia Principality.

This morning it was still dripping with Black Sea heavy crude as terrified Ukrainians continued to flee their Sevastopol, Crimea homes, the subject of a massive illicit Russian land grab.

Earlier this year a companion portrait called Our Lady of Kazan was flown over the Crimean peninsula in a Russian Orthodox Church International Airways carrier in a bit traditional Bolshevik smoke 'n' mirrors abracadabra to ward off evil influences ahead of the Sochi Winter Games.

Pilots who took part in the 'consecration' flypast have credited it with Russia's superb Olympic victories that culminated in a major putsch into Ukraine's neighboring sovereign territory.

A barrel of Sea of Azov sweet light crude retails around $100.

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