A spokesman for the Malasian aviation authority proudly announced that the missing airliner MH370 was found this morning after a night watchman noticed a strange smell coming from a locked hangar.
When the hanger was opened by airport police the missing airliner was there. Unfortunately only one of the passengers and none of the crew survived, having succumbed to a combination of starvation and dehydration.
Evidence of cannibalism was quite apparent from the badly chewed buttocks of two women of stout nature.
The survivor whose name is Hannibal was found dead drunk with a bloody face and several pieces of human flesh stuck to his straggly beard.
The airport authority has apologised profusely for the crass stupidity of it's management for the mislaying of the plane and is offering compensation to the close relatives of victims of the appauling tragedy. They also stated the terrorism could not be ruled out.
Compensation will take the form of a years supply of free meals from Macdonalds. 365 free meals, that's guaranteed to kill them off in a few months, ensuring that no further claims for compensation will be made.
Nick Clegg was heard to say the remaining free meals would come in handy for him because both of his dogs are up the stick...that's pregnant...for those of limited vocabulary. Apparently he's having a hard time making ends meet on his meagre MP's salary. Poor thing.