ROME-In an announcement this morning to the St. Petersburg Square, Pope Francis stated that this year for lent he would be giving up being 'good at his job'.
"I think it would be a good change of pace for me to neglect the poor, sick, and LGBT communities these 40 days," an ever optimistic Francis explained, "and maybe flaunt and abuse some wealth and power too."
Since his taking over the papacy, Pope Francis has been highly regarded as the most progressive and liberal leader of the Catholic Church in some time. This has been met with an unprecedentedly high approval rating and Catholic mass attendance. The unexpected Lenten pledge has shocked church patrons. But as theologian Gary Shurk speculated, "With little to no vices, what the Hell else is he supposed to give up?"
Some close to the Pope accuse him of being "high, on that Time's Man of the Year crap" and have reportedly, "totally caught him cheating and giving alms to the poor while also comforting the dying and sick".
Pope Francis denied any "falls off the indifferent-wagon" and explained, "He is just excited during this Lenten season to get back to the traditional backward and prejudice ways of the Church."
"It won't be easy," the Pope explained smiling, "but I'm determined to wear solid gold robes and spiritually damn someone facing adversity during every day of Lent-Also I'm giving up chocolate."