London, UK - A secret sleeper cell of suspected Iranians was found in the Queen's bedchamber today as police launched a new hunt for Lockerbie clues stuffed inside the royal knickers circa 1987.
First up was a moody Ayatollah Rough Son Johnny, chief suspect in myriad highjackings, drive-by shootings and other Cold War realpolitik business.
Anti-terror cops have long suspected he belongs to the same international cross-dressing private members club as Prince Philip and Bill Clinton after successfully bugging the cleric's beard with nano mikes.
Another pal, Ayatollah Bin Bag Boozi, was discovered living inside Queen Elizabeth's closet where priceless royal ceremonial gowns - such as those used in the State Opening of Parliament - and strings of mothballs make for a unique residential scene.
A police statement later explained that a sudden turn of events had made them abandon a previous investigation of Libyan stuff in the 1988 Lockerbie atrocity blaming the murky intelligence waters of the Shatt Al Arab.
President George Bush Senior is one daft ass.