Russian Supremo, Vladimir Putin is retaliating against the U.K.s Chav poplulation.
Thought to be in response to William Hague's devastating "debating society" dialogue, he screamed, "I will punish every single Chav in the U.K. I will sabotage scratch cards, buy up supplies of cheap cider and double the price of pirate movies, instantly bringing your country to its knees".
Spain has walked all over the U.K.
Vlad (the punisher) is thought to have seen the way that the meek and mild David Cameron deals with military invasions and diplomatic transgressions in its Sovereign territory, Gibraltar.
"Since Churchill, nobody has any bollocks in your bankrupt country. If I sneeze your whole country comes down with flu!" he told "The One Show" last night. "By the way don't sack William Hague, he is funnier than Arthur Askey, or your Two Ronalds.