Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 8 March 2014

image for Two Members of The All-Girl Punk Band, Pussy Riot Are Attacked At A Fast Food Restaurant
The back up singers for the all-girl punk band Pussy Riot, Olga Volgominsk (L) and Nadia Yarosova (R).

NIZHNY NOVGOROD, Russia - Russian singers Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alyokhina, members of the all-girl punk band Pussy Riot were having a nice quiet breakfast at Mickey D's when all of a sudden all hell broke loose.

It started when Maria asked one of the employees for two extra Ketchup packets.

When told by the female employee that they were all out, Maria yelled out that she did not believe her and that she knew that they had at least 400 ketchup packets behind the counter.

A member of the KGB who was eating an Egg McMuffin overheard Maria yell out an obscenity and he quickly moved to calm her down. She screamed out at him that he was a storm trooper.

Just then three more KGB agents walked up to the two Pussy Riot members and they threw green paint on them.

One of the agents told the girls that they are nothing but rude hooligans who have insulted President Putin for the last time. They were told that if they do not like it in Russia then they are free to leave and move to Iran, Iraq, or Phoenix.

Nadezhda then shouted out that green paint will not stop her mouth from talking. She yelled that Putin looks like a germ infested weasel.

Another KGB agent hit her with a drinking straw dispenser. She then yelled out that she hates the Kremlin and that it smells horrible, kind of like Keanu Reeves.

SIDENOTE: The third member of Pussy Riot, Yekaterina Samutsevich did not go to Mickey D's because she said she is allergic to sesame seeds.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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