Amoebas everywhere are suffering from headaches, aching pseudopodia and high temperatures due to the reckless revival of a virus which only attacks them.
An amoebic physician, Dr. Daphnia Clostridium said this morning "We are all so pissed. We have spent the lasr 30,000 years eliminating this horrific disease. We used to call it Polar Flu, now these meddling so ans so's have thawed out the ice that we used to immobilise it.
We just can't get Beecham's Powders in anywhere near the required quantity. I am recommending that everyone tries to stay in bed with a hot water bottle on their nucleii and drink whiskey, lemon and honey warmed a little in a microwave. I've a good mind to revive smallpox to teach them a lesson.