Written by Mark Lowton
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Topics: Christmas, Santa

Tuesday, 7 November 2006

image for Santa in $8.3bn deal with DHL
Don't tell the kids!

It is reported that jolly old St. Nick has given delivery firm DHL a Christmas present a little early this year. In a deal worth $8.3bn, Santa has approached them to help lighten his load this Christmas by delivering at least 97% of all presents.

Santa will still be visiting homes in his native lands surrounding the North Pole and he will be making a special trip to Iraq to bring some happiness to the children there.

He explained the decision was made due to ill health. "I'm older than I can remember; it was 700 at my last count, but that was a very long time ago. I've got crippling arthritis and my eyesight's shot to buggery. I just want one day off. I don't think it's too much to ask."

Santa will be issuing DHL with copies of his "magic keys" and will be personally giving training to staff on how to enter and exit a house via the chimney. DHL will not be utilising any flying reindeer, the deliveries will be carried out by their usual ground staff.

Santa has requested that DHL package up the cookies left by children and deliver them to his base at the North Pole. "The cookies are the only perk of the bloody job!" Santa said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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