Written by Patrick Parkinson
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Wednesday, 5 March 2014

image for Putin spends entire time during Ukraine peace talks, sharpening stick with knife

They were supposed to be the talks to bring peace to tensions between Ukraine and Russia after months of protests and aggressive sound bites from both countries. However Russian leader Vladimir Putin seemed to be in no mood to listen to compromises from Ukraine during the negotiations in Paris today.

"He entered the room and shook hands with the Ukrainian representative but still had an icy glare on his face during the whole meeting" said an eyewitness "the Ukrainian minister talked for a whole hour but Vladimir said nothing in response."

Whilst the meeting continued the Russian Premier took out a stick approximately two feet in length and then caused a stir when he produced a large knife from his pocket and began shaving away the bark of the branch. The sound of sculpting wood echoed throughout the hall like an ominous ticking clock as the meeting continued.

By the time the Ukrainian representative finished speaking, Putin had sharpened the stick so much it caused the Ukrainian to squirm uncomfortably in his chair. At the end, the opposing minister asked if the Russian leader had anything to add to the negotiations. Putin finally responded "A good death is its own reward". The Russian then stood up and left the hall with the stick still in his cold grasp. His mind clearly made up that peace is no longer an option.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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