Written by joseph k winter
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

image for Kerry and McCain duet to perform The Nuland Concerto on Ukraine crisis with Yats (possibly) on harmonica
Mr. Kerry is rumored to be auditioning as conductor of the new Victoria Nuland Chorale Group

The latest diplomatic effort from the US on the crisis in Ukraine will feature a stage performance in Kiev.

This effort will be dedicated to the new government forming there under the leadership of Mr. Yatsenyuk (aka "Yats").

The US has categorically denied that any "Rats, Yats, you the man" language was used by Ms. Nuland.

Her more celebrated phrasing in response to the EU preferring a different replacement for soon-to-be fleeing Yanukoych ("F**k the EU"), however, is now a matter of historical record.

The Nuland Concerto in Kiev will feature Mr. Kerry on violin accompanied by Mr. McCain on xylophone and tambourine.

Information from an anonymous source at a rehearsal for this event indicates the duo will use vocals and instrumentation to maintain the current upheaval is unequivocally the fault of Mr. Vladimir Putin.

Interpretation that the US and EU somehow conspired to rid the Ukraine of the odious Yanukovych has been entirely overblown.

US and EU interest in Ukraine is strictly to ensure democracy has its chance. There is no interest whatever in trade-related developments, or making a move on Crimea and Black Sea navy ports.

This non-presence of (and lack of evidence for) western dabbling (sometimes called "meddling") theme will be beautifully laid out in a violin solo by Mr. Kerry for this historic performance in Kiev.

The real "provocateur" is, in fact (here Mr. McCain is quite vigorous with his tambourine solo), Mr. Putin, who has "overstepped his responsibilities."

Instead, Mr. Putin's responsibilities (Mr. McCain moves swiftly to the xylophone) were to stay out of Crimea and elsewhere.

"That neo-Nazi thugs, possibly orchestrated from outside forces, and readying to attack buildings in Crimea, as occurred earlier with Yanukovych--"

At this point the Kerry-McCain duet delivers a dramatic pause and as the music stops a breathtaking silence proceeds . . .

"No, this is not accurate," intones McCain. "This was the pretext Mr. Putin used to demonstrate Russian muscle and seize the Ukraine for his own interests."

Violin again, a plangent strain rising very high and melancholy, and some observers have said a tear glints in Mr. Kerry's eye at this precise moment in the performance.

Then Mr. Yatsenyuk, Washington's choice for new prime minister (and referred to as "Yats" by Ms. Nuland), will step forward to congratulate the performers.

Warm applause will bathe the trio for several minutes, including shouts of approval from deep in the auditorium and from the balconies.

It is also possible (not yet confirmed) Mr. Yatsenyuk will provide finale with a piece from his blues harp, which borrows from Pink Floyd.

This number will reflect the melancholy over the recent attempt to cancel the minority group language laws in the new Yatsenyuk government.

Who is the strongest
Who is the best
Who holds the aces
The east or the west
This is the crap
That our children are learning
But oh oh oh
The tide is turning
The tide is turning . . .

Make joseph k winter's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 3?

2 6 9 12
47 readers are online right now!

Go to top