Written by Patrick Parkinson
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Tuesday, 4 March 2014

image for Entire population of Ukraine revealed to be army of Russian spies
Russian spies in line awaiting monthly pay.

Tensions between the Ukraine and Russia simmered down today after it was discovered that the entire 44.6 million population of the Ukraine are actually an army of Russian spies that had infiltrated the country and slowly replaced the real population of the nation over the last 12 years.

Russian leader Vladimir Putin had shyly confirmed this in a press conference today. The story broke when journalists from "Le Monde" had shown a statement from the Russian Premier's bank account that shows a huge amount of bank transfers that proves he is personally bankrolling the entire population of Ukraine.

The spies are said to have slowly taken over all professions in the country - bankers, doctors, lawyers, even the protestors who fought in independence square were found to be pocketing cash from Putin. When asked why the Ukraine revolution happened in the first place, a Russian spokesman said "the spies were trained to completely immerse themselves in the role and their protests against Russia were just their method acting training going a step too far". As a result of this revelation the entire Ukraine population has now left the streets and carried on with their daily lives.

Of course this leaves the question of where the actual population of the Ukraine is at the moment. Putin declined to comment, his spokesperson said that they were "on an extended holiday". However a source in the Kremlin has said they had been put into a Siberian prison. Tonight the Washington Post has released satellite photos of what appears to be a giant prison in Eastern Russia that is said to contain the millions of "real Ukrainians".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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