Written by Frank Michaels
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Monday, 3 March 2014

image for North Korea Prepares to Feed Its Soldiers - Perhaps Go to War
Sniffing Aroma from N. Korean Kitchens

Seoul (STT NEWS) - North Korea today released a terse, threatening statement saying that if South Korea should continue its annual military field exercises and if the US didn't leave the peninsula altogether, the communist country would be forced to respond.

On a radio show from Pyongyang, announcer Major Kim Yuk Du, who serves with the 112th Voice of the Loud National Defense Radio Network Brigade, was noted as saying, "Our glorious and slightly bloated young and adorable leader, who was sent upon his journey by the passing of his illustrious and holified father from the heavens of Socialist perfection, is ready to launch hundreds of ancient but utterly destructive missiles into the beautiful blue seas of our own coastline to show our utter contempt and determination unfaltering with devotion to the proper obliteration of those we hate so much."

Elsewhere, along the 38th Parallel, North Korean soldiers were being fed more rations than normal due to the possibility they may have to actually get up and move, physically, to the next tunnel or foxhole.

Included in their upgraded meals were partially heated second-hand rice husks from the Acres of Glory and Stamina on Any Day Except the Glorious Leader's Birthday, ground sticks and roots from the Beloved Lands of the Trees That No Longer Grow and of course, one of the nation's favorite meals, Boiled Dog's Feet in Rice Broth With Happy Baby's Pudding.

Meanwhile, across the DMZ, South Korean soldiers could easily sniff the goods being prepared just a short distance away. Captain Yong Tae Ro noted that the south saved a lot of money on field rations when the wind blew in from the north. "Appetites are sometimes scarce out here." He said. "You might as well stick your nose into field latrine to get the idea."

The STT News crew respectfully declined the offer.

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