Nowhere near Kiev, Ukraine Viktor Yanukovych claims that he is still the President of the Ukraine, despite reports that he has been deposed and has fled to Russia.
"I am merely using up some of the vacation days I have accrued. I found that I don't get to roll them over like I thought so I have to start using them. That's what I'm doing, I'm still the President!" said Mr. Yanukovych.
"Russia is my favorite vacation spot. I am hoping to get on the Trans-Siberian Railroad and take a tour of Siberia because I hear it's beautiful in the winter. Then I hope to visit some of the small, out-of-reach and hard-to-find rural areas of Russia. I don't want people to think I'm trying to hide or anything, but because of the paparazzi it won't be possible for me to release a full itinerary," said the absentee president.
After issuing orders for his security forces to "shoot to kill" anyone caught in his presidential palace, Mr. Yanukovych promised he would post pictures on his Facebook page.