Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Saddam Hussein

Monday, 6 November 2006

image for Saddam Demands Appeal, New Trial, Venue Change
Saddam wants his trial moved to the U.S. where he feels the justice system is better.

Saddam Hussien, found guilty this week of mutliple violations in an Iraqi court, has demanded an appeal. Lawyers for Hussien issued the following statement: "Our client is innocent. He demands the right to prove his innocence. We demand a change of venue to a place where we can receive a fair and impartial trial and jury. We want to move our trial to Los Angeles, California in the United States."

When asked why they wished to move the trial, his lawyers issued the following statement to The Spoof:

"O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson have both told us of the legal system in California and of the fair-minded and even-handed ways that trials are handled. Baltimore Ravens football player Ray Lewis and U.S. Senator Ted Kennedy also inform us that the American legal system is the best in the world. We also feel that daily exposure on Court TV and Entertainment Tonight would help our cause and help to pay our legal fees.

"We feel that, if the Great Satan (the United States) is going to pursue our client, we should be tried in a place where their laws work and where the office and living facilities for attorneys are nicer.

"In anticipation of success in our request, we have rented offices in Los Angeles and are currently screening for office staff. We feel that we have 72 openings, but are currently unable to locate any virgins in Southern California to fill these, and other required, positions.

"Applicants are needed for household services, secretarial work, legal assistance, and general services. To show our client is not living in the dark ages and is living in the modern world, we wish to hire only females between the ages of 18 and 23 and under 140 pounds. One attorney in our office has, at the recommendation of Michael Jackson, requested some young boys be hired for messenger and courier services.

"As we wish to show we do not require our women to be in veils or long robes any more, interviews will be conducted beside the pool and thong bikinis are encouraged."

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