Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 28 February 2014

image for Huge threat to Russian Paralympics as Yanukovych warns Ukraine could be stripped of (both!) Winter Olympics medals unless...
Yanukovych is bunking up with Edward Snowden, Anna Chapman and Dolly the Sheep

Bloodyvostock, Russia - Tweeting from a nuclear bunker somewhere underneath an old Soviet state-run vodka factory Ukrainian escapologist Viktor Yanukovych is tearing out his hair tonight.

An ongoing civil war in his hometown Crimea threatens to put the kibosh up President Putin's prestigious Winter Paralympics which open next Friday in neighboring Sochi.

Already the Russians' $5bn Paralympics PR budget looks like it's been blown to shreds in a full-on armed military invasion of Southern Ukraine.

"At this rate you can kiss your Winter Paralympics in the ass," the ex-Ukrainian President messaged, "and with it all our exports of high-class hookers, escorts and future Goldman Sux CEOs."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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