Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Animals

Monday, 6 November 2006

image for Ducks Upset With Stereotypes
Duck lobby argues Daffy Duck is a symbol of stereotyping

Representatives of the A.D.A., American Duck Association, filed papers stating intent to sue for defamation of character and stereotyping in the World Court.

Drake Mallard, attorney for the avian group, explained the lawsuit as follows: "The A.F.L.A.C. duck has a one word vocabulary and a huge temper. Donald Duck cannot be understood and has a huge temper. Daffy Duck talks with a horrible lisp and has a huge temper. The message that Hollywood and advertisers are giving to the world is that ducks have tempers and poor speech patterns. Nothing could be further from the truth."

"Go to your local pond and look at the ducks. They swim majestically in the water. Do you see them fighting? Do you see them dropping anvils on each other? What you do see are a group of birds, calmly swimming and socializing. They will chase after thrown bread crusts to entertain children. They will quack to help teach the youngsters the sound that a duck makes. Picture a duck on the water; It is an idyllic scene that has been painted onto many a canvas. It soothes the spirit."

"Children play in the bathtub with their comforting rubber ducky toy. They play duck, duck, goose in class and remember that duck is a symbol to be calm and sit still. These, however, are the rare exception in today's society."

"How does the world and the media portray the duck? A popular liquor is named Cold Duck. Oriental restaurants serve Peking Duck. The guy that does the voice of the AFLAC duck is that annoying Gilbert Gottfried, whose voice you can't stand to listen to when he does his stand up comedy. Howard the Duck was one of the biggest box-office bombs to come out of Hollywood. While the Marx Brothers' Duck Soup was a funny movie, the title is derogatory. If we talked about Cold Jew, Peking Negro, Howard the Raghead, or Spic Soup, this problem would have been taken care of a long, long, time ago."

The Reverend Jesse Jackson was quick to blame the Republican administration for the problem. "We need to help our poor, feathered brothers and invite them into our Rainbow Coalition. Conserve the Quackers. Benefit the Brave Birds. Work with Webfoots. If we had a caring, compassionate, man in the White House, this would not be happening. Remember, Dick Cheney was out duck hunting when he shot another man with his shotgun."

Spokesmen for the Republican party were quick to remind questioners that Cheney did not shoot any ducks on that hunt, only lawyers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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