ATHENS--In a unanimous decision yesterday officials for the World Olympic Committee (WOC) decided to make satire an Olympic sport. "Ever since the beginning of swine, satire has been regarded as great blood sport in our culture," said committee chairman, John Wilmot.
From the early Geek and Loman writers to Livid and Chaseher, Boltaire, Moldiere and Evilen What?, satire has been a deevolutionary force in our society," he added. "We, on the committee, feel that the pen is, in fact, mightier than the sword and it is time to recognize this by making satire an Olympic sport."
Those who have followed satire have seen their politicians and others of society's best punched with the left hook of paradox, covered with the egg of exaggeration, smacked senseless with a stony hand of irony and punished with the basest of human nature thrown back in their face. They have also witnessed great beauty in stunning reversals and unbelievable inversions of characters skating on thin ice.
"Good satire is as graceful as it is brutal," added Wilmot.
The word "satire" is a morph of two words, "Saturday" and "tired" and seems to have been derived from the expression, "Darling, it's Saturday and I'm tired. I need to get back at all of those people who caused trouble for me during the week. I think I'll go write some satire."
The committee has received criticism from leaders of the exploited world including the Bush administration for it's decision to make satire an Olympic sport.
"We don't want to encourage this," a spokesperson said. "Lots of money has been spent on educational reform in the United States to minimize children's imaginations and get them to succumb to the fact that all the answers will be "in the box."
Officials say that drug tests for alcohol will be given randomly to discourage against a dull wit and that handouts from Hermes would be monitored in the final rounds to deter any advantage given to secular humanists, Buddists, Hindu practicioners, or spiritual believers over the monotheistic doctrine of Protestant and Catholic participants.
Winter games will be held in a library and sanitorium this year.