Madrid - An octogenarian Spanish gargoyle called the Douchesse of Vulva is stepping up her campaign to replace Queen Elizardbirth in the event of a Yes vote for Scottish independence.
Doña María del Rosario Cayetana Tequila d'Alkoholidada Fitz-James Stuart y Silva, 18th Duchess of Alba de Tormes and Grandee of Spain is one of the last remaining hos to descend from Scotland's trashy House of Stuart.
Her ancestors famously bankrupted Scotland in a speculative punt on a Panamanian get-rich-quick fantasy resulting in the Darien Fiasco.
At 87 she's no spring chicken and equally demented as her extremely distant cousin Lizzy Windsor, current monarch of the British Isles.
Commenting on the suggestion that the ditsy Douchesse will be crowned Scotland's Queen after Independence a local hysteria said the idea's preposterous as the Vulva Duchy lineage is descended from bastards.
"Mind you, that could suit stupid separatist bastards like Alex Salmon pretty well," Professor Hamish McHaggis said today, "considering the distaff line created the Nazis whose descendants now back Scotland's breakaway from the Union."
Rival aristocratic ho the Duchess of Malfi is still 69.