Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Drugs, Mexico

Saturday, 22 February 2014

image for Top cheapskate drug lord Joaquin 'El Cheapo' Guzman arrested in Mexico
El Cheapo file picture courtesy Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner

Mexico - The cut-price narcotics discounter was apprehended by Mexican marines at the coastal town of Mazatlan in Sinaloa State this morning while trying to negotiate a new bulk purchase deal on a consignment of his fabled Chupacabra Headf**k Bud.

Arresting officers say the petite mustachioed drug lord had just shaved off five million dollars from a rival's contract to supply Brazilian World Cup audiences with top-grade weed after being awarded São Paulo's prestigious Official Merchandiser status for the upcoming contest.

"We heard he'd undercut various Non-Aligned Crack Barons Association dealers to gain official Brazilian sponsorship," Captain Alfonso Tortilla said, "and pounced on the bastard while he was browsing the net."

El Cheapo's arrest means much of his notorious drug dealing cartel will now be paralyzed as Mexican cops shut down the entire dealing network that stretches from Mexico all the way to Hawaii.

A ton of Mexican Madness Marijuana from rival gang El Skaggos retails around twenty five bucks.

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