Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 22 February 2014

image for Illuminati World Hairdressing Council issues fatwa over Yulia Tymoshenko's hausfrau braids
Underneath the weird up-do Yulia Tymoshenko is bald and sports a dozen tattoos

Chicken Kiev, Ukraine - The enlightened masters' red alert comes as jailed Ukrainian opposition leader Yulia Tymoshenko was freed on compassionate grounds this morning from incarceration for crimes against hair-brained beauty products and the peroxide industry.

Fifty-something blond bombshell and former Ukranian prime monster Tymoshenko, 69, developed the strange Teutonic hausfrau look to win hearts and minds in the country's Orange Revolution a decade ago.

Supporters were wowed by her liberal use of genuine Nordic hair extensions that were plaited into one fat braid and plonked on top her head in an ambitious gesture mimicking a crown.

But all that soon fell apart after hidden KGB microphones were found to have been weaved into the weird up-do, leading to her eventual downfall.

This afternoon a statement from the Hellfire Club's International HQ condemned the politician's release from jail and warned that underneath those immaculate blond tresses lurked a shaven head covered with swastika tattoos.

Meanwhile ousted Ukrainian President Yanukovych may now flee the country and set up a government in exile iat shared premises with the Egyptian Muslim Bruvverhood's recently opened orifice in a former Brazilian waxing salon located in Cricklewood, North London.

The Dalai Llama is next for the chop.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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