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Friday, 21 February 2014

WHITEWASHINGTON, D. C. -- In an attempt to erode U. S.-Chinese relations, as he has eroded those between the U. S. and most of its allies, President Barack ("B. O.") Obummer met with Tibet's spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama on Friday, February 21.

Although some contend that Obummer thought that His Holiness was a llama, rather than the Lama, the president's spokes-puppet, part-time actor Jim Carrey, assured the public that this is not the case. Rather, Carrey said, Obummer was interested in where he might purchase a robe like the one that the Buddhist holy man wears.

"Michelle likes your togs," Obummer told his guest, asking, "Are they available at Saks or Nordstrom's?"

Obummer was criticized for not meeting the Dalai Lama in the Oval Orifice, where, ever since the president's predecessor, the so-called first black president, Bill Clinton, met with Monica ("The Mouth") Lewinsky, the U. S.'s chief executive has entertained guests of state. Instead, Obummer met with the Dalai Lama in the White House's first-floor Map Room. Furthermore, Obummer made sure that no one would witness his guest's arrival at or departure from the Executive Mansion.

"It's as if Obummer is ashamed of His Holiness," the Dalai Lama's thirteen followers declared.

China had warned that its relations with the U. S. would be "damaged" if Obummer met with the Dalai Lama, whom Chinese leaders call "a wolf in sheep's clothing" who wants Tibet to seek its independence from China, despite the Dalai Lama's having won a Nobel Peace Prize (a "dubious honor," the Chinese point out, that he shares with Obummer).

During their meeting, Obummer and His Holiness discussed not only the Dalai Lama's clothing, but also played a game of Tiddlywinks and exchanged gifts: the Dalai Lama gave the president green tea, and Obummer gave him, in addition to the bum's rush, a lingam, which, Obummer said, the holy man could "yang up his yin, or yin up his yang, whichever he prefers."

Obummer's gift--and his comment--were also quickly criticized, with the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community calling it "insensitive" and "homophobic," and the First Lady objecting to it as "vulgar and offensive."

However, China's premier, Li Keqiang, seemed happy with Obummer's statement. "Maybe, when he [Obummer] come China, I give him yang for his yin, too," he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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