Vatican City - (AssoCIAted Mess): Claims that Pope JP2 Lodge once appeared in a vision to President George Bush Senior - prophesying that his namesake would one day be elected the US President who triumphed victoriously in the Whore Against Terra in Iraq - could secure a fast-track sainthood for the late Pontiff, according to new evidence being studied by the Vatican.
But details of Bush Senior's lucid dreams were kept quiet by the CIA for many years because cynical spooks suspected that disgruntled former KGB operatives on Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin's payroll might be sending holographic projections to the old warhorse as a revenge tactic for the 1982 "suicide" of their top P2 Lodge bagman - God's Banker Roberto Calvi.
Reports that Bush Senior also liked to dabble in exotic Nicaraguan hallucinogens were dismissed as post-Cold War muck-spreading.
And as such were quickly remedied via intensive lobbying by US satirists who had infiltrated the US intelligence agency for the renaming of the Langley, Virginia HQ of the CIA to the President George W Bush Center for Intelligence (sic).
The Pontifical Office for Beatifications is believed to have fallen for these sweeteners and is now going the whole hog to rebrand the late JP2 as a saint.