BLARNEY, IRELAND - Irish officials have decided to close the popular tourist attraction, The Blarney Castle, amidst a world-wide outpouring of ridiculous verbiage from prominent politicians. "Most of the blather is emanating from the White House, specifically President Obama," related Paddy O'Houlihanrahan, 'Keeper of the Stone' at Blarney Castle. "That State of the Union speech was really a whopper."
The last time this occurred was after popular comedian, Jerry Seinfeld, kissed the stone and couldn't stop talking both on and off his T.V. show's set. He developed laryngitis, prompting his agent to bring a lawsuit against the "People of Ireland, Generally." The ancient site will be closed until further notice. Travelers will be directed up the coast to "Peace and Quiet Castle", where they will have a chance to kiss a rather ugly County Mayo girl.