WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Department of Agriculture announced today a new and highly unusual variety of apple has appeared in a Northwest grove and may be a result of radiation from the Fukushima, Japan nuclear power plant meltdown in March 2011.
According to a USDA spokesman, Sylvester Constantine, the apple was first spotted in a grove by an apple grower I shall call Rupert Bemisderfer, which is not his real name.
"Mr. Bemisderfer admitted to us that he was very startled when he picked the apple off the tree," remarked Constantine, "and discovered it had a little mouth with teeth like a human's! He said he threw the apple on the ground because he was afraid it might bite him, but once he investigated further, he discovered it was inert."
"Mr. Bemisderfer told us all the apples on that particular apple tree had the same unusual feature," continued Constantine, "so his apple grove is currently being studied by scientists from Washington State University. They hope to determine the origin of these strange apples."
When asked by reporters what the new apple variety will be called, Constantine replied, "For obvious reasons, we are thinking we'll refer it to the Fukushima Chomp!"