The Cosmos - Filthy conditions in Aquarius, sign of the water bearer, are likely to climax on Valentine's Day when the Leo Fool Moon brings a deluge of karma on Elizabeth Windsor's preposterous 62-year reign.
That's the upshot of an astrology conference taking place in London where stargazers are blaming the hoaxer Queen's Diamond Jubilee for continuing to crap up the weather in much of the UK.
Whole swathes of royal estates in the South of England are lying submerged under ten feet of water in what zodiac watchers describe as a spooky echo of the June 2012 storms that dumped millions of gallons of rainwater all over the Jubilee.
And a giant moat of water surrounds Windsor Castle where flooding has reached the royal cryogenics wing.
"This is a cosmic punishment for bullshitting the nation," astrologer Celeste Skyclad commented.
"Can't see any end to the country's misery before the faux monarch drops dead."