Written by Lyndon
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Wednesday, 12 February 2014

image for High-revenue Russian products to be boycotted due to anti-gay stance
The Kremlin--more colors than your neighborhood rainbow club

WASHINGTON D.C. - The U.S. Department of Trade announced Friday that the nation will officially boycott a number of high-revenue Russian products because of Russia's recent public stance against homosexual people.

The government was quick to acknowledge that this boycott would mean sacrifice. Said spokeswoman Gloria Wu, "We ask for patience and solidarity from the millions of Americans who depend on high-quality Russian goods."

Leading the list of goods is the standard rising stem flange gate valve used in such devices as...well, used in something that requires a gate valve.

Also, close to the top of the list are those flying chairs you see at the fair. They have long chains and, when spun quickly, can send fair-goers into fits of glee.

Sure to lead to black-market activity will be the restrictions placed on wholesale Russian women's hair sold for extensions and wigs.

Ms. Wu recognized that she is to be counted among those affected by this decision. "I use gate valves, flying chairs and wigs just as much as the next guy. But we believe this is the right call."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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