Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 8 February 2014

image for Justin Bieber's visa revoked as Sochi authorities say No Skanks, Thanks!
Dopey weed sellers outside the Olympic Stadium today

Canada - The Russian Olympic authorities have withdrawn Justin Bieber's travel visa amid protests the daft pothead would lower the tone of the prestigious Sochi Games.

A last minute attempt to fire up the engines of his private plane stalled on the airport tarmac as the 19 year-old doled out oxygen masks to pilot and crew ahead of lighting up a split in the aircraft's sumptuous jacuzzi.

Bieber, 69, was hoping to be a spectator at the start of the weekend's curling schedule after placing 'loads' of online bets on the Canadian team winning.

According to unreliable KGB sources this morning's visa revocation was fast-tracked by Vladimir Putin himself because, in his opinion, Justin 'is too damn girlie' for his own good despite an apparent 100% hetero profile.

"The President just wants to spare Little Justin the embarrassment of a full-on body cavity search at the Arrivals lounge," a Kremlin spokesman said today, "in case any such physical examination is accidentally beamed live all over the world due to an unforeseen internet glitch."

One ounce of notorious Black Sea hashish resin retails at around half a million roubles ($25 to you and me).

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