Written by joseph k winter
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Tuesday, 28 January 2014

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Runaway Ubiquity XV surveillance blimp packed with rats--or hacktivists

Witnesses are reporting chills running up and down the spines of NSA and pentagon officials as to what might be coming next.

Today's development parallels recent news that a Russian cruise ship has been adrift in the Atlantic for the past year and is packed with rats who have turned on each other.

According to NSA officials a surveillance aerostat blimp broke loose some time ago.

High-pitched shrilling noises picked up by the NSA indicate that, as with the cruise ship, the blimp might have a rat problem.

How it broke loose--or was stolen--is classified at this time. It belongs to the Ubiquity XV series, capable of stealth mode.

Interpretation of the high-pitched noises (sometimes resembling singing) indicates the blimp might have been renamed "Angry Bird 4U."

Neither the cruise ship or this surveillance aerostat blimp has been traceable. The cruise ship wanders somewhere in the Atlantic. The surveillance blimp has gone to stealth mode, and its normal procedures in gathering data have been shut down.

Someone, and we have this on authority from anonymous eye witnesses, has murmured that if the shrilling noises being picked are the "cannibal rats," as with the cruise liner, these rodents are also plague bearing.

One little nip and you've got five days left to say goodbye!

Meanwhile, several of the anonymous pentagon analysts who recently disclosed their intention to murder Edward Snowden have suggested the rats theory is bogus.

They say the blimp has been captured by Snowden and assorted hacktivists (possibly in league with North Korea or Iran).

Their purpose: attack NSA operations and other aerostat blimps at work globally.

Another theory from the CIA, favored by AIPAC, indicates no rats on board whatever. They say it has been captured by Iranians determined to join the Geneva 2 negotiations.

Possibly this rogue force has picked up non-military Syrian civilians and protesters from all over the world. They plan to slide down ropes from the blimp and thrust themselves into Geneva 2 halls and auditoriums.

A spokesperson for Mr. Kerry indicates his response: "We don't care who they are. They are hereby disinvited. Even if they are harmless they're not welcome here, scurrying around and through our legs under the negotiating tables."

Another group nervous over the runaway surveillance tool is the extreme wealthy.

A spokesperson for Mr. Thomas Perkins, who last weekend compared the one percent to Jews persecuted by the Nazis, has said Mr. Perkins is convinced the blimp has been taken over and staffed by members of the OWL project.

As one objective the OWL (Obscene Wealth Legacy) project will identify the 85 individuals who own the equivalent of half the wealth of the entire planet.

Mr. Perkins has indicated he will take to his underwater airplane for the time being until the runaway aerostat is tracked and incarcerated.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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