London, UK - There are reports this weekend that a failed piss test and huge online gambling debts have seen the faux prince let booted out of his famous regiment the Royal Death Watch Beetle battalion, an offshoot of the Scottish Black Watch Blaggers.
A new career in arms dealing - uh, military procurement! - now beckons in what MoD top brass describe as a traditional move that's worked for other faux princes such as Charles, Andrew and dumbass Edward.
The post will eventually carry a grace and favor apartment in HMP Belmarsh, the UK's top, maximum security jail that's stuffed with recidivist paedos, assorted terrorists and other scumbags like bent MPs.
Commenting on the new role a palace spokesperson said today that while Harry's abrupt exit is not quite a dishonorable discharge, swab samples taken from the daft scammer hint at something putrid going down.
"Could be some sort of bug he picked up in the Torah Bora region of Afghanistan," palace aide Sir Monty Gonner-Rear told reporters at lunchtime, "the kind that sees a chap saddled with half a dozen Taliban brats all demanding diamond necklaces from their new royal Grandma."
Camilla Fucker-Proles is 69