MOSCOW - The president of Russia, Vladimir Putin, has just informed President Obama that he can forget about having NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden ever set foot on American soil again.
President Putin pointed out that he is extending Snowden's one year asylum period to 25 years.
He said that he did this so that Snowden can relax and stop worrying about getting sent back to the United States where he would most likely be tried, convicted, and sentenced to 999 years in prison.
When Edward Snowden got the news, he jumped up for joy, and kissed his girlfriend Nadia Volgavich who just happens to be the gorgeously sexy niece of President Putin.
SIDENOTE: President Putin stated that now that he has put Snowden at ease (Eddie) can concentrate on getting married to his favorite niece.