Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 14 January 2014

image for Zut alors! French president's secret slut 'is really his new wife!'
Current live-in mistress Valerie 'La Rottweiler' Trier-Wallet seen here with the new wife Julie Gayet

Paris, France - "Zee lady eez no two-dime ho," is how an Élysée Palace spokesman put it, "she eez zee new First Lady of France!"

The giant PR admission comes as the French media suddenly upgrades its original 'bit on the side' profile of blond actress Julie Gayet, 69, caught shagging French President Francois Hollande at a Sicilian mobster-owned apartment on the Rue Pigalle.

It now turns out that Hollande secretly married the beautiful thespian 'months ago' - something he forgot to mention to his partner Valerie Trier-Wallet, to his political party colleagues and to the entire French nation.

Three days of relentless headlines have now seen Valerie, beleaguered long-term live-in mistress and current official French First Lady, admitted to a hospital psych ward after throwing a major wobbly at all the lurid news.

And to top it all there are reports tonight that the gorgeous blond Julie Gayet is FOUR months pregnant - something that has eluded Mademoiselle Trier-Wallet, nicknamed La Rottweiler by the French press, on account of, uh, menopause stuff.

Commenting on the love triangle a specialist psych nurse treating France's First Lady said, 'F**k off, asshole!"

Expect the matrimonial fur to fly before the week is out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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