The Queen has issued a slightly puzzling "Royal Pardon" to all of the residents of Australia. The pardon was delivered to the House of Commons on New Years Day by a footman. William Hague and Theresa May are said to have set teams of analysts to work on the puzzle.
There were wine stains on the document and one theory is that the Queen was a little tipsy on New Years Eve and made the document as part of a parlour game. But nonetheless the document is genuine and legal.
If it is implemented millions of Australians and their descendants (estimated to be 99.99% of the current population) who have been awaiting hanging or are serving terms of imprisonment with hard labour after having been transported to the colony in the 1800s will be freed on Monday. It is thought that all uncouth manners will be pardoned on a one off basis.