Written by queen mudder

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Saturday, 11 January 2014

image for 'Fake' Mandela memorial sign language interpreter on standby for Ariel Sharon funeral booking
Rabbis beware! At Thatcher's funeral he messaged 'www.incontinence.pad.com' instead of 'blah, blah, RIP'

Tel Aviv - He wowed the world at Nelson Mandela's televised requiem with a schizoid take on world leaders' tributes that turned out to be no more than daft random phrases like 'fried prawns, man!' and 'rocking horse'.

This weekend international sign language icon Thamsanqa Jantjie is poised to get his psych ward get-out-of-jail card as a professional booking to screw up proceedings at Ariel Sharon's internment in Jerusalem goes a-begging.

The 85-year old Israeli butcher is to be buried at the Mount of Olives close to his old Cold War mucker the Mossad/KGB double agent Robert Maxwell - and half a dozen of their P2 Lodge pals.

Commenting on the hiring of Mr Jantjie's services a Tel Aviv PR said today: "There's always some sort of fuck-up at a Jewish funeral, this way the 'dumb' guy can take the rap."

Jantjie first came to the public's attention at London's prestigious Crem de la Creme Golders Green Crematorium when interpreting eulogies at the Amy Whinehouse bash. Worried music fans at the somber shindig later claimed his digital messages said Daft old cow died from snorting dodgy coke'

A year or so later he was part of the official sign language team hired for Margaret Thatcher's state funeral where an international TV audience saw him channel messages like 'www.incontinence.pad.com' instead of 'Margaret Thatcher was a towering colossus on the international political stage'.

His $1 million attendance fee is still undecided.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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